


please smile (for me again)

by grey_king



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I wrote this at 1am, i will never drink coffee before bed again, im so sorry, nobody come and throw rocks at me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 14:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18317306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey_king/pseuds/grey_king
Summary: sooyoung decides to make jiwoo happy again.





	please smile (for me again)

**Author's Note:**

> hi it's me again :DD
> 
> i haven't slept or proofed-read anything so im sorry if there will be some errors. istg i won't ever drink coffee before sleeping.

  
  
  
  


Sooyoung wonders a lot these days. Like, how do you know when someone is not happy anymore? It's when the things that make them smile before matter  _ less _ now.

 

So when the peach-colored stationeries that used to make Jiwoo squeal in joy are now barely used and set aside in the corner, Sooyoung already  _ knew _ . But she stayed quiet. She tried to ask once but the smaller girl smiled and only said that she wanted to use it for better, more important things. Sooyoung figures that's only one, she can always buy other things for her.

 

She was glad that the next day when she bought groceries and told Jiwoo that she would cook tonight's dinner, the girl's face lit up and she broke out into a happy grin, excited that Sooyoung came home earlier in a long time just to cook for the both of them. They went to the rooftop to stargaze as well, one of the things Jiwoo loved the most (she wonders if the latter still loves her as much as she still loves the stars). Until Sooyoung had to carry her back to their room after falling asleep on her lap.

 

But the day after that when she brought home some scratch ‘n sniff apple stickers and penguin ones, the way Jiwoo smiled at her only left an empty feeling. It wasn't like the smile of someone who enjoyed, it was something like accepting because you're  _ burdened _ . Sooyoung clutched her chest as if the pain from her heart was affecting her physically.

 

This was not what she promised her lover, this wasn't what she promised herself. This was not what she said to Jiwoo's parents the night she went to their home to court the girl a few years ago. She  _ promised  _ that she would do her best to make her happy. And now, Sooyoung thinks she doesn't do that anymore.

 

The time for her final promise, the one she wished that would never come, is needed to be  _ fulfilled _ .

  
  


______________________

  
  
  


The worst days are when they fight. Back then they would both just sit down and talk. They would ask each other what's wrong. They'll talk it out and apologize right away for their shortcomings. Jiwoo would shed a few tears and would giggle when she would crack a lame joke. Then everything would be okay again.

 

Sooyoung doesn't even know when the  _ yelling _ started. Sometimes she would come home stressed and Jiwoo would tell her something or would suggest something and she'll get annoyed for some reason. She'll answer in a sarcastic manner or just wave the girl off to which the latter will retaliate. Jiwoo will say something back about her that will hurt her pride and just like that, they'll fight until  _ words _ that they can't take back would come out and leave them both broken.

 

Like today as well, she came home tired and irritated, but she knew it was wrong to impose her anger to someone else, much more if it was Jiwoo. But alas, her tired self had only done nothing but snap and sent a glare and a half-assed sarcastic answer when the smaller girl asked about her day.

 

“I was only asking, why are you even mad at me?” Jiwoo squints her eyes accusingly, on the verge of breaking off too.

 

“I'm tired Wooming, we can talk about this tomorrow.” She clicked her tongue and walked to her room. (In all honesty, she missed Jiwoo's warmth.)

 

“Sooyoung what the hell is wrong with  _ you _ ? Why won't you talk to  _ me _ about anything now?!” The younger girl grabbed her hand before she walked away, only for her to brush it off with a frustrated expression.

 

“Because there is  _ nothing _ to talk about! Just let me sleep for fuck's sake!”

 

The slight fear and sadness in Jiwoo's eyes made her feel guilty and say sorry, but there's something keep her from doing so. She want nothing more than to hold girl in her arms and place kisses on her forehead as an apology but she chose to just turn her back and walk away. How she  _ wished _ she didn't do that.

 

Mornings after will be quite awkward too. Jiwoo would knock on her door (they sleep on different bedrooms after they fight, wake her up to invite her for breakfast. Yes they love each other enough to apologize, but both knew that they aren't  _ happy _ anymore. No one dares to say anything. They're too selfish to let the other go.

 

(And perhaps  _ scared _ that no one will love them the same way.)

 

________________________

  
  


Sooyoung decided to let Jiwoo be happier once more when winter ended and they didn't need each other to be warm anymore. She finally mustered up all the courage she had to tell her. She approached Jiwoo on a fine Saturday morning, as the younger girl cooked up breakfast for the both of them. Tears were already forming in her eyes as she sees the girl humming the tune of the song she wrote, with a contented smile on her face.

 

(Oh how Sooyoung wanted to change her mind in that moment, the ache of losing Jiwoo was overpowering all her sense.)

 

“H-hey Jiwoo?” She coughed to hide the crack in her voice, quickly wiping the tears which was spilled.

 

“Yes Sooyoungie?” The latter replied with a hum and fondness in her voice, not yet looking back, focused on her cooking. Before all courage seep out from her body, she took in a deep breath and willed herself not to cry, before speaking in a soft whisper.

 

“We should break up.”

 

The words instantly made Jiwoo froze, shakily turning off the stove before facing Sooyoung with a tinge of desperation and helplessness in her eyes.

 

_ ‘Fuck Ha Sooyoung, don't be a fucking coward now. You have to make her happier. And it's not being by her side now.’ _

 

“W-what? You're j-just joking right..?” The younger girl bit her lip, her form shaking and tears were already streaming out of her eyes. Sooyoung was also trembling, reaching out to hold Jiwoo's hand in an effort to make her less tenser.

 

“Do you love me Jiwoo?” She looks directly at her beloved's eyes.

 

“Y-yes of course, what kind of question is that Soo? I love you so much…”

 

“Are you still happy with me?” This time, she let her tears flow, with a sad smile grazing her features. She already knows. She fucking knows, that's why she has to do this.

 

“I-- I…”

 

“You don't have to answer baby, I know. And as much as this fucking  _ hurts _ me, I have to let you go.” Sooyoung leans her forehead against Jiwoo's. Letting herself feel the warmth she'll be losing a few moments from now.

 

“I  _ promised _ you I'll do my best to make you happy didn't I? But Jiwoo I-I can't do that anymore. I want to see you  _ smile _ the way you do back then... but I realized you can't do that for  _ me _ anymore. I can't make you smile that way like I did before,” She pulled the latter in for a tight hug, the only way of her showing that she was scared of letting her go too.

 

“I'm not saying I don't love you anymore. I am saying that I love you too much to let you  _ suffer _ more. You're not  _ growing _ as a person anymore, and me, being selfish like this is causing your pain. I want you to be  _ happier  _ Jiwoo-ah… and we both  _ know _ that you can't be when you stay with me. So I have to go, I'll have to leave.”

 

The girl in her arms was sobbing hard this time, nodding in understanding and muttering  _ ‘I love you.’ _ and  _ ‘I'm sorry.’ _ on her chest as she herself was crying too. Sooyoung cupped her cheeks and smiled lovingly, wiping the tears from her eyes before kissing her deeply, conveying her all her love for the last time.

 

When they break apart, Sooyoung cried harder at the sight. Jiwoo was grinning at her, the one had when they first saw each other.

  
  
  
  
  


 

_ “There is nothing more I'd wish in this world, nothing more than seeing you smile with light in your eyes and warmth on your lips. The way you smiled at me when I first met you and I knew, even if we were apart, I will only love you.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> uhh say hi or sumn :DD
> 
> twt: @brokeSCONE  
> cc: chomp-tops


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